They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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