Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
