Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
