just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize