i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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