dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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