I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
