he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dear god my vagina.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
