first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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