dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
