I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
