Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
