Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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