This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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