so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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