Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
