Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
