she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You're my little dorito
okay pat passed out under dana's car
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
