dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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