can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
