Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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