so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
