I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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