Too much gin, very little bucket
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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