Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
