I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
