May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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