How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
