he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
