Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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