so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
