I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
