i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
