I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
