Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
