I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
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