I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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