I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
