Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
