addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
