I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
