You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
