thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I looked at my own cervix.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
