She is in my trunk
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
