he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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