I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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