OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
