He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize