I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
