I must be too annoying 4 u.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
