I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
