when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
