I am full of burrito and curiosity
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
