I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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