It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
