oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
