I wish life had little blips of pornography
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
