I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
