i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize