i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
