The best revenge is premature balding
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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