fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Swine flu is the new snow day.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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