Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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