I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize