Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I still have a little drunk in my system
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
