at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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