the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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