I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
