Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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