New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Randomize
