I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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