Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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