i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
