Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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