well I can't set my house on fire every night
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
