A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
