I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
