It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize