i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
