I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
