all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
either way he was missing a nipple.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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