her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize