She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
this must be what syphilis tastes like
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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