just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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