she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
