you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
