Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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