could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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