we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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