bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
