i barfeds in our rink
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
