drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
