I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
