wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
