I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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