My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize