Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
