SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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