btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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