and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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