He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
