How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
