thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
