Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
