So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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