escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize