Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
